I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
