I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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