Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
