so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
