Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
