So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
