He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
