he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
