i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
