u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
