I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
