I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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