you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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