I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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