This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize