We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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