Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
