Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
