What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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