I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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