Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
