State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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