It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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