Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize