I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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