Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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