Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can text with my tongue
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
