haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
