Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
