Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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