I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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