in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
