I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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