How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I could fuck to npr.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
