So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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