What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
