My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
