I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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