watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
As shirtless as possible
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
