Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I currently don't understand fingers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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