He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am naked and annoyed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
