I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
