I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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