I don't think brook has ever known best
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
