So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
