angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
