She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
