I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
