we have officially lost it.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
