ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
