I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
