i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize