I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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