haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize