I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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