thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
