she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Are my feet made of real feet?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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