Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
