shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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