that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
