Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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