Just fell off a train. Bad.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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