I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
