Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
