Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
