Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
