Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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