tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
