I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize