So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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